Cursed?

After Tim Sherwood admitted this week he would be open to bringing in a sports psychologist to try to help team morale after a six game losing streak and only two wins in the last 22 games, it’s been since revealed the Villa boss has further plans to tackle Villa’s recent woes.

“If there’s someone out there that I think can help the group, whether that be a coach or a psychologist or whoever it is, we wouldn’t turn it down,” said Sherwood.

Initially it had been mooted that Sherwood would be reaching out to Glenn Hoddle for the number of his faith healer Eileen Drewery, who had visited the England team during the World Cup 1998. But it seems Villa have their sights on even more controversial assistance.

Top of the list is a priest who specialises in exorcisms. Villa are looking to get one in to perform a complete exorcism of Villa Park before the double-header against the Baggies, after the horrors that have been witnessed on the once hallowed turf of B6. After all, a record 10 home defeats last season has to be the Devil’s work.

 

 

“There is something in there which we need to dispel,” said Sherwood at the latest Bodymoor Heath press conference. “And I don’t think there’s any shame in getting it out in the open.”

It is hoped despite the short-notice leading up to the games against the Albion, The International Association of Exorcists, a group of 250 priests battling the forces of evil across 30 countries, can provide some assistance.

With the practise of exorcism recently recognised by canon law and with Pope Francis giving it his blessing, the club is hoping not their action won’t attract too much media ridicule.

Player Resurrection

The same can’t be said of the short list of other possibilities for outsider help drawn up by Villa’s director of recruitment Paddy Reilly.  Rumoured to be on the list is a Shaman who is hoped to have the power to access the benevolent and malevolent spirit of Christian Benteke and return him from the trance-like state he’s been in, in recent months.

 

 

More tricky for Reilly has been the search to find a Voodoo specialist who may provide the answers to the apparent hoodoo of Gabby Agbonlahor. Some argue it’s a fruitless task, as cynics believe not even the darkest witchcraft could turn Gabby into a 20-goal a season striker.

Still, it maybe worth a try as Reilly is hoping to do a two-for-one deal; as well as solving Gabby’s problem, there is the issue of reversing the voodoo doll curse on Tom Cleverley, that is said to be the explanation behind the poor form of the United midfielder during his loan spell at Villa.

A voodoo doll of Cleverley was found in Roy Keane’s garbage, after Villa received a tip off. Worryingly, another voodoo doll was found with the Cleverley doll that looks rather like Jack Grealish (see below picture).

 

 

A spokesman for Villa said they are worried that Keane may have been frustrated by Grealish not yet committing his international future to Ireland. The voodoo curse would certainly explain why Villa managers have found it seemingly impossible to pick Grealish in a starting Villa line-up this season.

UTV

A Venglos View is a satirical (and sometimes surreal) look at the Villa. Check out other Venglos Views here

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3 COMMENTS

  1. maybe too llate. THe Gipsie’s curse that ROn tried to lift on st Andrews may have come back to Villa Park. Rumour is that when the trinity roead stand was rebuilt, a blues supporting workman transferred a bit of St aNDREWS TO villa park to transfer the curse to us.

    Makes more sense than most explanations for Villa not winning anything since 1996

    trevor fisher.

    • That was while he was at the Blues, he apparently tried putting crucifixes on each of the floodlight pylons at St Andrews to lift their curse.

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